I was going through my Facebook Memories and ran across my New Year’s post from 2017. Certainly that was a year of complete introspection because February 14, 2017 would take me to Cleveland Clinic for a surgery I shouldn’t have survived. New Year’s 2017 found me in a place of sheer appreciation for the life I had up to that point. I didn’t waste time with the bullshit as I got my “head in the game” so to speak. My post read like this:
“I’ve been reading so many New Year posts and I’ve done a lot of thinking about mine…I am eternally grateful for so much. Thankful for obvious blessings but I’m even more thankful for clarity. I know that this year my new found mental freedom is the best gift I could give myself. Too bad it took 49 years to figure it out. Here goes; God provides, friends betray you, lies hurt, moving forward is the only direction to walk, releasing old habits feels great, pleasing everyone else and losing yourself is bad, trusting with blind faith is the only way to truly live in Gods light, surrendering to the things we can’t control takes work and time, trust is easily lost and hard to gain, holding hands makes your blood pressure lower, I spent too much time trying to get people to like me who never did, I moved on, I’m the luckiest girl in the world because I choose to be, happiness is a choice, bitching is annoying, smiling is way more fun than crying, time softens every hurt, dogs are the best listeners, a snoring husband is a safe sound, having a house full and getting it dirty is way better than a quiet clean house, and I can get through whatever I will face shortly because God already knows the plan so I really don’t have to worry! Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you to those who stayed and thank you even more to those who left!! Upward, onward!!!”
Confession; I will say that there are a few things that I continually have to remind myself about, because I am not naturally an optimistic person, in fact, quite the opposite. However, there isn’t much I would change about this except that family can and will leave you, either by death or deception, it’s all the same. Family is a choice and those you choose don’t have to have your blood! I’m lucky. I would say that gossip hurts, don’t do it. Not everything is as it seems and words spoken in gossip are bound to hurt someone. Everyone has a story, good and bad, everyone goes through something. Love is stronger than death because love doesn’t end with dying. God still provides and prayer changes things.
All of that being said, I refuse to make a “New Year, New ME” pledge. It has taken me almost 51 years to come to grips with the reality that I am who I am, good and bad. That my body is mine and it has served me well even for all of the abuse I have given it! I am not paying Nutri System or Jenny Craig to think that an outward change will make me love me more. Happiness makes the outward change!! Now that I have given you the answer you can free yourself too!! I was never good at New Year commitments anyway! I might make it 3 days and someone would ask me if I wanted to go out, then all bets were off! Now, I tend to be more of a home body and I still have no desire to put unnecessary pressure on me! After all, I survived a surgery that should have killed me and even another after that! So this time that I have left is the gravy. I am trying to make the most of it and not let the bastards get me down!! (That’s what my Granddad always said! I like that philosophy!)
Until then…..live….don’t let the bastards get you down!