I have long debated addressing this rather fragile topic, but then I thought that maybe someone else could benefit. Besides, it gnaws at me until I write it down!! I will qualify this post of “walking out” though because it is a different thing if you walk away from someone who has either abused you, broken your trust, lied to you, been mean, talked shit on you, or made you feel like a failure. Those relationships are toxic and you need to Run not walk away!! That is mental health preservation and necessary to grow and become the best part of you. But..if you have ever had someone walk out of your life and it wasn’t something you necessarily wanted you will understand this blog post. It seems to me that you figure out more about the other person than you do about yourself. I think that if we are honest, many of our relationships are only here because of availability and what the other person can give you. It works both ways. I have to get something out of the relationship to continue with the massive task of caring for it, or I have to give so much to continue the relationship. I have found that when someone leaves…..they do it mostly because they feel they aren’t getting enough of it or something isn’t benefiting them. Time proves that it was a learning experience and the next time I don’t give as much of myself away! Besides that, letting someone out of your gate leaves room for the right ones to come in!! With that, I will share my perception of what walking out feels like to me….
” To whom it may concern, ( I love that salutation!) While you have decided what our friendship was worth, our lives have moved on. I waited for a long time while you determined if this friendship was worth the investment, or if it wasn’t. I was invested. I invested not only time, but love, tears, laughter, frustration, understanding, my family, more time, and yet, it wasn’t enough. You needed more and more and more, then one day, I was tapped out and couldn’t give to your liking. You got angry and lashed out. I understand. I just thought you would come back when you cooled off, but that would be admitting that maybe you were out of line??…. Our lives moved on with times that would have included you, happiness, jokes, lake, smiles, summer, life, babies, birthdays and good things– lots of good things! When I finally realized that this friendship/relationship was on ‘your time and terms’ it was too late because you see, I had already loved you. But you determine who you want in your life, only when YOU can handle it, that is the difference between empathy and selfish and the difference between you and me. The on again off again game doesn’t work with me anymore either. I am too old. I waited for you to come back after you took care of yourself, I was willing to wait, but you chose the ghosting approach. That is a simple way of cutting someone apart because you never have to face them or say you were wrong. You never will give the chance for me to repair the damage I have done, but you, you get to walk; walk and tell your story. That’s OK. If you find that people who are gone hold more endearment to you than those who are living, then your life might get lonely, but the upside is that you won’t become upset by anything you didn’t want to hear, the dead and the absent don’t speak! That is totally fine with me!
I know this though, you choose your happiness. You choose how you treat people. You walked out and you got to determine the end of a friendship. You dictated. You chose. You made all of the decisions for all of us. Boom. Over. Pow. My entire family feels robbed by you. They don’t understand why you left, but I do. I know where the weakest link resides. That’s the part you disliked. I can see the chinks in your armor and I accepted them. I can take your moodiness, over analyzing everything, nit picking attitude, but this hurt people who don’t understand you. If you think that you are the only person ever affected by LIFE get over it!! Everyone goes through it. We still have to keep moving; jobs, life, family, more life, more shit happens and we deal with it. Together was easier, but apart is working out too! You have written off everything that is uncomfortable in your kingdom with no regard for anyone else walking on glass. To me, ghosting is plain mean. It’s a side of you I never saw coming! The rest of the victims, what did they do to deserve your wrath? I do notice that we are not the only victims of your garage sale. You know, when you are done with something you sell it? I notice that you have discounted others in your life too. Sold them at bargain basement prices never to use them again! That’s OK too! I know this….I think I would rather have been one of the people you say you ‘didn’t love’ because not being loved would have been much better.”
There…. I feel better! I wonder, how many years that the “let down” lasts? It isn’t like death of a loved one because after awhile, the grief stops, the tears dry up and you are able to go on with your journey. It just stopped including them and the load got heavier for a minute and the next thing you know someone stops to help you! That’s good!! I am thankful for those who have kept walking with me and for accepting my many shortcomings! I have soooo many!! Time spent may be one of them, but I am long on love!!
until then…..pick up someone’s bag and help them carry it! Might make a friend!!