And I Panicked

Well it’s official! The Queen of Worry has finally pegged the anxiety meter and has created the self imposed need for excess toilet paper to get through this crisis. No kidding. I had the most amazing get away in the heat and the sand and I had to fly back into Denver via Phoenix. I was thankful that I was able to get home, but I wasn’t without fear and caution. I had wipes, thieves oil, diffuser necklace, Vicks in my nose, washed my hands like an obsessed person, and I arrived home last night to decide that I am officially terrified. The news was full of information, most of which I seriously question, and I fell asleep watching the numbers come up like baseball scores and the death toll in Italy rise. That just might be the reason that I had nightmares so every time I must have breathed shallow I panicked! Funny, that is one thing I remember about Walter Cronkite on the evening news in the early 70’s….death toll numbers in Vietnam. I didn’t know what it meant, but I remember the numbers.

I have always worried, but for the past 4 years I have worried every single day, sometimes every single minute (mostly when I have a migraine) that I was going to blow my aneurysms and just not get up. It won’t be bad…I know that, but I still think about it continually. Who wouldn’t?? It is like a sick and twisted little evil nemesis that I can’t see, but I know he is hiding in me. Now I can worry relentlessly for the next 14 days that there could be another bug running around trying to stab me; it could be me. But then what?? The question I have asked that no one can answer is when does the 2 weeks start? So I quarantine for 14 days and I walk outside to run into someone who didn’t start their two weeks at the same time I did, so now should I panic again? I think so!! No one is able to tell me when the two week count down starts? I see those kids on Spring Break in Florida, partying on the beach….when does their 2 weeks start? After vacation? Does this mean that as we watch the economy take a huge crap that we all just say, “Oh well, those with money in the bank will be OK, those without? Well, they are just a casualty of the virus?” There are a lot of casualties. That is what is terrifying to me. That is the worst part of this social experiment. Then what?

I am a worrier, but I am a warrior; it is a terrible oxymoron that I live. This is terrifying for businesses of all types, hospitals, health workers, Grandma’s and Grandpa’s, every person in this world at this point. I wish I felt more secure about what is to come, but I don’t. I wish I felt like I could look to our Government to calm the waters of doubt and fear and get a real plan, but I can’t. I wish I didn’t believe the conspiracy theory of WuHan labs and that this was germ warfare, but I don’t doubt that one bit. The victims are just casualties of that war….those are the same words that people have used to describe the children in Syria. I know that I am covered in the cross and when my number comes up I am running as fast as I can to find an old cowboy and give him the biggest hug I can muster. I know that then all will be well. Until that time….I may need more toilet paper for the upset stomach I have developed.

Starting 2 weeks, yesterday….

I love you All


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