Since turning 55 I seem to be thinking a lot about the past. I saw a meme a week or so ago and it said “You had nothing to do with the beginning of your story. Two people in love, or not, made a decision to have you and your book began. They wrote a few chapters but you are the one who gets to finish it!” I’ve been thinking about the progression of my book and how I am choosing to write the ending. It’s taken a lovely shape thus far!

I’m sure that many of you have felt similar to this when I say that I have had so many “friends” blow out of my life that’s it’s staggering. I was thinking about the loss of those friends , many I held really dear. Their presence in my life was very sweet until it wasn’t. When I think of the actions of several, I am positive that I have never done this stuff to any of the people so I find it easy to recall. I have done a multitude of other offenses, I am sure!! I also noticed that most of those people blazed out of my life because I drew some kind of boundary or I told them how I was feeling. Very seldom do I reveal my true feelings when I am hurt. It’s how I was programmed. However, when I told them that they had hurt my feelings, it spun out of control, they told me I was nuts, then they were gone. No wonder I am emotionally triggered by emotional confrontation and am working on that. I have lost friends that have borrowed money and never paid me. They dissolved the friendship without ever asking what I felt about it. It wasn’t about the money, for me. Ever. I have had them use me to acquire something they wanted. They went through me to get to the connection they needed. That left a large sting because I never saw it coming. There are some of these that make me kind of sad and some who disappeared into the mist with no warming. Had they ever asked me about the friendship, I would have said that the friendship was worth saving. God must have known better because after the hurt, I was in no shape to make a decision based on raw emotion. Eventually the pain subsided and I was thankful for the experience and the wisdom that came with it.

The beautiful part about all of these experiences is that I can see the growth in each hurt. Every single time. Each soul has had an amazing purpose! It’s that incredible!! I’m amazed at the way I feel when I think about the hurt or abandonment in that way!! I am even grateful for the betrayal of the embezzlement. Had I not gone through it, I would have never grown. Had I not experienced life with all of the people I wouldn’t be who I am today. I am becoming the person I want to be around. I am the one who is writing the end of her own book!! In the space of all of those people leaving my life, God left plenty of room for new people to come into my life.

I have a small group of people in my life now. We don’t go out much anymore and bedtime is way too early to mingle into the wee hours! Our social circle is small. We have both loosed ourselves from the chains of guilted or expected relationships and decided that we have seen the worst side of those people and things we cannot change. That also leaves a lot of space for a more peaceful life. Isn’t that the goal as we age?? Peace is a beautiful thing! No more of the childish ideals of what I thought friendship meant to me. I figured out that it’s ok to not be liked!! Now, I am continually thankful for these types of friendships the very most: “driving me home” call friendship, Sunday/Monday movie night friendship, late night Snap Chat friendship, long call from your garage friendship, fishing friendship, call from your tractor friendship, text “I love you” friendship, Facebook messenger friendship, childhood reconnecting friendship, wing night friendship, healing journey friendship, college friendship, across the pond friendship, pick up right where you left off friendship, old friendship, new stranger friendship, Mike friendship, sons and daughters friendship, cat and dog friendship, church friendship, praying friendship, card sending friendship, friendship of myself friendship, gold friendship, silver friendship, come bail you out friendship, party friendship, and all of the many others that exist. Blessed.

It’s amazing, this journey! Consider your ending.

Until my next thought…..

Be well my chickens,

E ❤️

Until my next thought ..