So do you ever ask yourself what is dark within you? Do you have something chipping away at your light? John Milton said “What in me is dark Illumine, ( what is low raise and support, That to the height of this great argument….) from Paradise Lost Book i. First published in 1667 this book has always fascinated me, but for me, the fascinating part was Milton himself. By the time he wrote Paradise Lost, he was blind and was forced to use a scribe to pen his works. He was a political activist, scholar, teacher, and father, considered by many to be a heretic. This quote has resonated with me since 1986 when I was forced to read this work for a literature class, which I ended up loving and have used this reference over and over.
Today, I think about what is dark in me. I could go into a whole personal journey about the what if’s and the life events that have shaped me, but that will give power to things that I have put away. I remember, but no longer allow myself to be the victim but the victor! Heck, if Milton, while completely blind could still see the light in his soul, who am I to complain in the darkness? The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I was “lightened!” Mike and I headed off to church this morning and I was thinking how much I appreciate the chance to recharge the battery on Sunday morning. The only thing that can possibly drive out the darkness is light. Pastor said that there was a man he spoke with yesterday who quickly told him that he had stopped going to church because he was angry with God! He was angry with God because God has allowed evil in this world!! Really?? I rolled around in the darkness for years and years, stuck in the darkness, but was never brazen enough to be angry with God. Light drives out darkness and we are called to be the Light. Milton’s defense was exactly correct!
I think often how I can be the light. For some I am light–for others I am light that forces them to recount why they can’t stand me!! I am ok with that, on both accounts. I am finding that while I have been deceived by those I loved, beaten down by life and had enough things to make me bitter, I am running my own race!! I choose what I allow to define me and I choose that the negative experiences are not going to–none of that can….I will not live in the past, nor will I walk back into things that force me to relive those instances that can bring incredible bitterness. I am choosing light! I am worthy of LIGHT!!! I will remain illumined!! WE have the ability to choose to heal, to grow and to become who we want to be. Every day is a choice to change and become better, more loving, more kind and the greatest to me….more compassionate. I am a work in progress! I have said before that I am a daily sinner, and I am. But I remain in the light! I am me.
The best thing about being fifty, is the freedom from giving a shit! I am growing in my own skin! If you care to come along, wonderful; if not enjoy your own trip!!
What is dark in you…..Illumine!!!
For now…. love, peace and light