I’ve lived long enough that the need to please others so that I’m accepted is gone. I have let go of the things that I thought people would want me to be and have focused on what I am becoming for me. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything it just might be “stay true to you. Those who love you will love you. Those who want you on their terms are not worth it!”
Lightening the load and burden of conformity has become a necessity not so much a choice. The physical burden of being all things to all people is destructive and painful and I have nothing physically left to give. It’s running out way too fast for my liking, but that is part of my journey. I have recently watched someone I love discover that they had been completely duped by what they thought was a friendship. I reminded them that self preservation often feels selfish or like you are quitting, but in reality it opens space in your heart to take care of yourself. They’ve been hurt by unkind words and mean mouths. I become defensive of their feelings because that’s what love does.
As a child I was taught that literally everything and everyone came before myself. Business, others, customers, respect to everyone was everything, but the truth is, most of those people took great joy in the not so good things that happened to us and rejoiced in the negative. I was always crushed by mean people so I never understand this principle; that their feelings appeared to matter more than mine. Maybe they just wanted me to take the moral high road and that is fine however with my personality I allowed people to use me and hurt me because I wouldn’t cut back. I carried guilt and conscience to a whole other level!!
Our family motto from 1100 is “Non Sibi” which is Latin, translating to “not for self.” I get that there is a portion of life that is about giving to others but when the well runs dry, you must take back the energy and spend the time on you.
As life gets shorter the more important truth becomes. Truth in relationships means that you stop allowing people to use you, hurt you, talk about your, lie to you no matter how much YOU think THEY like you or vise versa, that’s not friendship. The older you get the smaller your circle becomes. It’s safer and it uses less energy to take care of you than it does trying to fix others or bad relationships. People who talk smack on you are not friends. People who use you are not your friends. People who make you feel bad are not friends. Clean up your list. Don’t share everything. Not everyone wishes you good things. In fact, very few people wish you good things because of jealousy. It’s a rough road carving it down to the handful of people who actually truly love you. The rest make the journey fun sometimes, sad sometimes but the real happiness comes when you learn the difference.
Thinking of you my…. you know who you are and you know this too shall pass. I love you…
Until then… be nice. Love yo’self