St. Patrick ran the snakes out of Ireland and I am fairly sure that they ended up in the United States! That is not the topic of this blog!! This Saint Patrick’s Day was one of the first that I didn’t enjoy a good pub crawl, a green beer, or a headache! Years past, I would plan for weeks for the national holiday and hatch a fabulous plan to get together with my Mom and Dad and our friends to celebrate the Luck of the Irish! Plenty of corned beef, tatties, cabbage, beer and music provided the perfect atmosphere for a wild Irish time! We would sing loudly, dance, eat, drink and be completely merry! I miss those times more than I can possibly describe, but life changes. I am thankful for the memories that we created but all good things come to an end, and new good things fill the void.
This St. Pat’s my void was filled with a 16 month old Leprechaun who brings more happiness than I could imagine and reminds me that the eyes of a child are way more observant and fun than our old, jaded eyes. Sunday morning church with Finn is always a treat! The organ music wakes him up and he spins around to see where that noise is coming from, followed by a rather loud “Oh WOW!”. Let’s face it, an hour to sit and be good is a challenge, but with Gramps holding him he does pretty darn good for a toddler! Lunch was handfuls of cottage cheese, corned beef, potatoes, and cheese beans followed by a huge nap with Auntie! The best part of the day was ice cream and the truck stop! Years and years ago my dad would take my son every night to the truck stop to drive around and look at the big, beautiful trucks parked in the lot for the night. It was a ritual. Most of the time Ian was driving on my Dad’s lap, which is highly forbidden now, but the excitement was evident in the speed with which Ian shook his hands. When I looked back at Finn, I was taken back 26 year ago to my own little boy talking and yelling with excitement in seeing those “Dandy” trucks! Finn was so happy to slowly drive by and wave at the truck drivers most especially when one gave him an air horn greeting! His Papa was always in love with trucks and still rolls the windows down to hear the diesel roar.
The evening came to a close standing in the drive way watching them all head out to their respective homes. I wonder if I will ever get to the point that I don’t cry when the weekend comes to an end? For me, it is my mental escape from the realities in my life. For a few waking hours I can pretend that everything is good and all is right with the world, then one more sleep until the dream ends and the reality comes slamming in! I am doing my best to stay in this world for awhile. I have a few things that I would like to see or do before I head to the other side. I would also like to live long enough to see some type of cure for this life robbing disease, or at least see some kind of study that would help with early diagnosis and treatment. As it is today the symptoms vary with each patient and while there are always similarities, the effects of this disease are variable. Some of us suffer with chronic pain, artery dissections, strokes, migraines, ear swooshing, organ failure, heart issues, vascular issues in our extremities, and various other things. The worst for me is exhaustion combined with several other symptoms. I would love to be able to do as much as I used to do! I still try, but the tank hits empty much faster than it used but I still move! I wonder if I asked St. Patrick to take my “snakes” if he would? Or maybe he has and I haven’t paid attention!
My gratitude must always be the first thing on my mind when my feet hit the floor. So should yours. My granddad used to tell me “If your problems can be fixed with money, you have no problems.” In my youth I didn’t understand exactly what that meant, but in my adulthood I completely get it. Money can’t fix this, but I can look around and still see things that are much worse. That is what keeps humility and gratitude in my windshield. I am not so ill that I can’t say “thank you”. Thank you to those of you who are still here. Thank you for the days that I am able to wake up and be….Today I am…
Until next time……be..grateful