10,950 days

I have been thinking a lot today about the journey I have taken in the last 30 years. Granted, I haven’t taken it alone and for that I am eternally grateful, but man, oh man have their been twists and turns! I was thinking about how we got engaged and married in 6 whirlwind weeks. If you want to get people talking, just do something spontaneous and watch their mean ass mouths take over! It was a wonderful time in our life, but for the town of WaKeeney……well let’s just say that they didn’t disappoint me. The number of bets made against us and talk of pregnancy, and ignorant people just waiting for us to fail were more than plentiful and their mean words came back to Mike and I because people love, love, love to be quick to tell you what others are saying about you! I haven’t forgotten who they were and what they said, but while some are dead, some are still actively bashing, but I get the last laugh!! Thirty years today and I love him more than I did 10,950 days ago, and I am pretty sure he feels the same way! Pretty sure! I tell you this because if you are a bet maker and like to see people fail, don’t do it. It hurts and people never forget the fact that you didn’t support them. It doesn’t just apply to engagements, it applies to every thing! It all goes back to the Thumper Theory! Don’t say it if it’s not nice!!

We have grown and grown and fought and made up more times than I care to remember, but we are here! We have found that the only people whose opinion really matters now is our own. We owe it to each other to be the rocks in each others lives because family and friends disappear and yet we stay firmly rooted in faith and love that even the naysayers couldn’t break! That is the beautiful payoff for the hardships and loss that we have walked through. While health and happiness are not synonymous, they are real and have each had their own set of challenges; mostly the health, but that’s OK too! Time has a funny way of shrouding my memory! I think that I am blessed by the fact that I can’t remember what we fought about but I am sure at the time I was right and he was not!! The problem must not have been as powerful as the determination that we have to survive! Lord knows he is one of the most stubborn people I know to date! Ian might be close but he will mellow eventually and as Mike mellows with age he becomes less so! Me? Well, I have to be this stubborn because I wouldn’t survive long without it! It is part of me and I don’t let go easily!

This year, like many others has yet again been one of challenges and fear. I am the one not afraid to die, but I am afraid to lose Mike. I have watched my much beloved mother mourn my Dad for the past six years and how incredibly painful every single day becomes. She is braver than me and she says that it’s the “high price we pay for big love”. Secretly, like I am sure many of you, I want to keep taking and not have to pay!! Recently our mortality crossed our lives and minds again and conveniently kept right on walking for now. Days like today, when I am hyper appreciative, I feel it more. I feel it deep in my bones and it creates that fear that will eat me whole if I let it! Today…..I am not giving fear the power! Not today!

Today I am going to hold hands, thank him for the glorious bouquet of flowers he bought, and watch him go out the door to try to cut wheat, just like he did 30 years ago. That is to be expected when you get married to a farmer in the middle of wheat harvest! I am thankful, blessed, but best of all, I am loved by the person that stuck around for 30 years and cared enough to really, really get to know me. We have raised 3 children, have one baby in Heaven, moved several times and chased dreams bigger than most people would ever care to bite off. We have traveled, laughed, and worked together for some 30 years and continue to fight the fight! That in itself is an accomplishment! No dinner out tonight, no date night and no big plans and you know that is just the way I like it!!

Thank you for your well wishes and thoughts, we appreciate it!!! Thank you to those who said we would fail, too!! Because of you I was bound and determined to prove you wrong, so up yours!! You helped light my fire!! The rest of the fire I leave to Mike!