It’s here again. Another year is almost in the books and I find myself reminiscent in my every thought. So much has happened this year and so much I won’t be able to discuss until later. But let’s just preface this with “some people are not who they appear to be. Evil is real and it comes from ones you never think capable “. Keep your eyes open so that you don’t fall victim to gaslighting and hate. Simple.

This year was the most important year in my life personally and in my life journey. I have been blessed with good doctors and surgeons. I have a new lease on life spiritually and my body thanks me. I have been able to semi retire and thanks to my family I have been able to do so. I am not taking any of that for granted. I am busy catching up on all of the things that I have not been able to do in 11 years! I am able to physically do things that I haven’t since 2012. I decorated my own house for Christmas, I cooked and cooked and cooked, I can clean my own house again, I can carry my grand children and I have been blessed with travel that makes my heart soar!! In April I got to reconnect with an old friend in Vienna for an amazing dining experience in a 600 year old monastery and catch up on the 33 years we had missed!! We enjoyed ourselves completely with our friends from here and I am forever grateful to Ine and Thomas for such a special moment!

My favorite trip in the books is the surprise I gave Mike for his Medicare birthday! We flew to Maine and we went fishing in the Atlantic, ate way too many lobsters, drove across the state, and sailed on Penobscot Bay. He was so surprised and excited, just like a kid! We had no idea how much we needed that time. We did. I not only planned it for him, but I also selfishly planned it for me! If you would have told me that I would be this age and fulfilling my childhood dream I would never have believed it. We breathed a lot, slept late, watched zero tv and sat by the waters edge, and soaked in the history. If it weren’t for the winters I would consider living in Maine and I think Mike would too. I quietly prepared for the last joint surgery of the year, my ankle.

I had ankle replacement on September 20th and literally laid in my bed with my foot above my head for 4 weeks solid. At 6 weeks they let me start walking. Scary to take the first steps expecting pain but I was fortunate. I now walk with a straight foot and a slight limp. I will take it!! Mike was doing extremely well until right before Thanksgiving. For some weird reason he went back into A Fib and we had to make a trip back to Cleveland for treatment. He had managed to stay in rhythm for almost 2 full years without medication, but now his life changes again. The shock worked until a couple weeks ago and now he goes back for a hospital stay January 2nd. I am unable to go with him because Erin is scheduled to deliver this new bundle of love on the 9th. We feel like one of us should be here and obviously it can’t be him. He is running short of options for open surgery and his doctor does not want to operate again as it would be the fifth time. In the event that they change their minds, I will grab a flight and be there. If only to be two places at once. My heart goes…

This year saw many changes and growth in both of us as well as our kids. They are all settled in with their own lives, and seem to handle life’s difficulties with as much dignity as they can. It gives me hope in the future of this planet when I see them living lives that care for the earth and other people. I am so thankful to live where we do even though winter is here.

Our Christmas present to the kids was a Thanksgiving getaway to Galveston. I’ve said before that because they all work together in some capacity, getting away is hard and going any distance in a short time is tough. The ocean was the goal even if it was cold. The wind off the water froze me out but the littles sure did have fun “bustin waves” and throwing sand!! What a blessing to have another year all together. There will be a day when that changes. Until then we are not going to waste a moment on “I wish we would have“ comments. It won’t happen. I think we have all experienced loss to the point that what matters is experience, not stuff. I will take that too.

Christmas programs with Finn and Allie were the best. I saw the sweetest shepherd I have ever seen; just a bit sweeter than his papa was and a reluctant angel who told me loudly from the stage “this is boring!” Ugh! She was done! It brought the true reason for Christmas home to us and brought tears for days gone by. I wish I would have had the calm in my life to slow it down when my babes were little. I would have stronger memories of the good times. The fact that I can see it now is a huge blessing in my life. I am so grateful.

I don’t know what 2024 will bring. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I only know that I will be so grateful for RRT, Season, Kari and the people that helped me hit the finish line. You will never hear me talk about the past with anything except acceptance. You will see me drop toxic people like a hot potato and you will not know how to respond to my lack of urgency. But for me it’s called “peace”. If you have been with me in a close capacity and feel like asking what RRT does for me, ask away. I will hook you up. If you suffer and wish to calm your own nervous system, I can hook you up. If you want to release guilt, shame, trauma, triggers and pain I can hook you up. If you choose to use the tools, good on you. If you don’t, please stop complaining about your past and your life. It’s not today and it has no place in your tomorrow.

Thank you for all of your patience in my journey. I send love and blessings to each and every one of you. God be with you in the upcoming year. Make it what you want. You can. You really, really can.

Until then …

Stop the struggle. Own it. Be you.

E