Edit! I had to revisit this. My original post had some serious gaps in it. My brain was running and my fingers and phone weren’t. It’s still a tough one for me to tie up neatly, so thank you for struggling to read the first draft. Heck, you will struggle with this one too!! I will say that you have all had an impact on me. Many of you have become my muse. Many of you have become my joke ( you know who you are and I would like to take this moment to apologize.. 😂🤷🏼‍♀️) thank you for your support. I love you Chickens!

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I have heard so many times, so many people say “if you only knew the impact you have had on so many people’s life and “If you only knew your worth. If you only knew how much I love you. If you only knew how beautiful you are. If you only knew how much that meant to me. If you only knew how that changed my life.” I know that the well meaning people are giving compliments of the highest honor, really mean it and want us to see our value in this dark world. But sometimes I think we need challenged to ask ourselves to examine the opposite principles phrased like this: “if you only knew how your words hurt me. If you only knew how one little lie changed the entire trajectory, If you only knew how not speaking up for someone ruined their lives. If you only knew how silence kills. If you only knew the real story would you be so quick to judge? If you only knew what it took them to get up today, would you react the same way?” I’m sure my punctuation is totally incorrect, and my phrasing is janky, I’m struggling with getting it out, it’s hard. But we are quick to praise but we are all too silent at the same time. We have become blindly unaware because we are blasted constantly.

I guess I say this to just tell you a story. I’m not sure I can tie any of this together except to choose your words. Choose your impact.

Call out evil.

Call out goodness.

Point out love.

Point out evil.

Because I think people can’t seem to recognize either in this messed up world. But every once in a while, a guy comes along singing a song, and it makes you cry. So maybe that’s why I tell you this. To tell you this…

Recently, I had an amazing encounter on TikTok with a complete stranger, that gave me so much hope and if I knew….I would do it again and again because the ripple effect has been seen over million views, and maybe I needed a tangible sign to hit me in the head to remember gratitude.

A young woman was on my FYP late one night and she was in her car crying, so I watched. She explained that her dad was in hospice, that he loved Mandy Patinkin, that their song was his version of Over The Rainbow (the live from the Letterman Show 1989), that she was hoping to just have the video reach Mandy Patinkin etc. It became a Divine Intervention for me. Months ago, literally months, I purchased two tickets to go see Mandy Patinkin in concert in Lawrence. For my entire life, I have loved Broadway music and him. I would ask for musical albums for Christmas as a kid and one of my favorites was South Pacific!! Don’t judge! Mike doesn’t know him by anything except Inigo Montoya, so he didn’t really care, but to please me, he would go!! I am unable to attend because the week before this, I found out that I have to have another surgery on my hip March 25th and the concert is April 1st. I cried and felt sorry for myself. I was angry at my body. I was angry with the situation, but I have never been angry with God. I am just worn out with the FMD process and falling apart, and missing out on life. Last year l literally laid in recovery 25 weeks!! I am tired of laying in a bed for 6-8 weeks at a time, because every surgery I get to have requires that type of recovery. I’m angered with healthy people complaining in front of me! Granted, most people look at me and think I’m fine. It’s not their fault….but please, don’t assume normal looking people aren’t sick!!! Anyway, I tried to give my tickets to a couple of my friends, they weren’t that interested, so the tickets laid on my counter every day as a reminder of another thing I am unable to do. At any rate, that night on TikTok, I saw a devastated, beautiful young woman and I simply offered those two tickets to complete stranger who was gutted from losing her beloved dad. That comment I made of “I have two tickets for his show in Lawrence, Ks I would like to mail you if you are close, send me a message, God bless you” now has over 10k likes and I don’t know how many comments. The ripple effect is huge to me! I don’t know 10,000 people!! I certainly didn’t know that she lived in Overland Park and that it would even be remotely possible!! I didn’t know that she would answer me within seconds that she would be so incredibly grateful to be able to take her dear momma. I didn’t know that Maggie would become someone I would follow and admire! I certainly didn’t know I would become a part of the journey where I get messages from people thanking me for giving them hope. Hope??? I just wanted to share my tickets with someone who could maybe use them in a time of grief and they wouldn’t go to waste and maybe I could help them in their journey. I know what losing your daddy feels like. I didn’t ask for accolades or praise, I didn’t even know anyone would really read the comments, I don’t! I had several offer to pay me for the tickets, one ridiculously called me a hero! I thought that was hilarious!! I told them “thank you for the offer of the money, but take it and pay it forward! Give someone else the benefit.” What this gave me was HOPE. You see, if only you knew the impact you have on others, would you do it? Some are geared toward doing what feels right. Some are not. Some are more quiet and feel less empowered to do either, but all of us have the power to use the second option of principles and have a much more profoundly powerful effect because it’s a million percent more efficient that negative energy flies through people. Don’t do it!! Stop yourself.

But I digress.

The story continues and doesn’t stop there, Maggie and I spoke on the phone after her dad died the next day. Turns out we have some things in common and I plan to meet her when she holds a film showing this summer and I get back on my feet. But the best news is that Mandy Patinkin, being the incredible human he is, is bringing Maggie and her momma tickets and backstage!! He called her after he was tagged so many times and the video went viral, almost immediately! Apparently he was at KU or something when her dad was or knew of her dad, something super cool and connected, I’m sure I got it messed up, but there’s an amazing connection!! Oh and even David Letterman got involved and posted the original video on his page!! I will share it. It’s all so amazing. Just amazing. My tickets are going to be used by her best friends! I feel like I’m going along and I’m as happy as if I were seeing him myself.

My point is this. I hear the “if you only knew”…and I am not sure if we are supposed to know all of the good, but I do know that moments like this are what just gave me the gas to get through this next part of my life. I am using some gas from Maggie and her dad, Chris, and the stories of his beautiful life, and his struggles with gastric colitis from age 7, his fight to live and his beautiful legacy, to this story created by his amazing daughter… they just helped fill my can…if he only knew…

Until then,

E