Topics this week have been tough for me to nail down. There are so many options; COVID-19, mask wearing, political opinions, missing children, so much news, both local and national. For instance, are the rumors true that the City of Salina is really broke?? I hear rumor after rumor with little to no information to confirm it!! But even after all of this stuff plaguing our community I’m choosing my more personal route. Some many find it disturbing but I guess they don’t have to read!! I hope you had a great 4th and with that…. let’s go

I am the queen of infomercials and quick fixes. I am also a sucker for before and after photos!! It doesn’t matter what they are!! Surgical pictures of nose jobs, boob jobs, eye lifts, scar removal…all of it gets my short attention span to pay attention and sparks my curiosity!! I love seeing age comparison pictures, baby time lapse photos, young vs old, you name it, I check them out!! I’m oddly curious! Does that mean that my curiosity equates unhappiness?? Well no!! Heck, I could have been a hundred before and after pictures at certain times in my life, most of which came during times of self loathing and drastic measures. I am happy for people who will do anything or ingest anything to change themselves, knock yourself out! Been there. I, myself, have promoted products that I love!! Mine happens to be Neora because I love my skin and less wrinkles! I still use it faithfully but don’t promote it anymore! If you want some after this I can still help you out!!

This past month I have been contacted over ten times for weight loss products that others are using right now and have had “great results” !! Hey, I’m really happy you found something that has helped you gain self esteem and has improved the way you feel about yourself!! I would just like to point out a few things for you to think about before you approach people with whom you “know”. Anyone in my close proximity knows a few things about me. Mostly that I am am open book about self love, weight, illness, mental health and the change that chronic/terminal illness has played in my life. What you don’t know is that while I am fat, I am at a completely different place in my life than you are right now in your own journey. I have been where you are multiple times! I wasted years and years hiding from pictures, not doing things my family did out of fear, being unhappy all the time and it was all for not. At different points in life I have tried every pill, food delivery, WW, more pills, drinks, smoothies, crazy exercise plans, more pills and drinks and the be all end all, Atkins, now called Keto. Thanks to the last I have irreversible kidney damage that will never heal. Up down, up down, lose 50 gain 60, lose 60 gain 30 for all of my adult life. Each and every product and diet guaranteed to lose the weight forever and improve my life!! Truth—-My life improved when I loved me. Now, due to a disease, that again is not from me being fat, I am unable but more unwilling to abuse my body anymore with quick fixes! I do what I am able to do, I water walk and swim and find it to be more helpful and more motivating than any before or after picture could ever do. Before, I would look at myself and find every flaw, every wrinkle, every single thing I hated about my body. After I found me. I found the loving, caring, kind, compassionate person I have longed to be. It had nothing to do with my pictures. I have worked on my insides so much that I am able to love me wholeheartedly. Every bulge, every jiggle, every stretch mark tells a story of me and I have memorized the entire book. Even the parts that hurt! I realize that this seems so counter cultural to what you’ve been taught, but I love me! I even love the 3 huge scars right down my fat belly!!! They are me. This is me. If my fat makes you uncomfortable or it makes you assume that the pills you take might be good for me to try, I would ask you to talk to me before you ask me to join groups because you assume that no one could be built like me and happy. I realize you aren’t trying to hurt me, you are wanting to grow your business and I would make a great meme!! I’m cute!! Why wouldn’t I look good on your before\after shot?! The problem is honey, I am product of the after effects of diet culture damaged by the self loathing dialogue we are taught. Mine began in 1974 and in turn I have had years of therapy to undo the damage. I’m free!! Unfortunately, now you live it on Facebook by subjecting yourself to how many likes you can get on a pic or how many compliments you might get!! They will compliment you and “like” you but will it fulfill you? I can’t answer that. I can only tell you about me.

So friends, if my fat is an issue for you or makes you uncomfortable, I’m not apologizing. I will warn you that I wear a cute 2 piece swimsuit while I swim in my pool so don’t come visit in the afternoon if you don’t want to see my amazing life scar! No shame!! I will promise to like you for you if you promise to stop thinking because you are on your journey to lose weight, that I must be miserable and I would receive this offer happily! My life is too short to include loathing in my dialogue. And besides, my grandson loves my scar! He asks to see it all the time and gives me a “Poor CoCo, are you ok??” every time. Heck yes I’m ok! I’m more than ok! I’m happy and I am no ones project. That’s another story!

Love you, Chickens!

Be well

E